Walk For Life

This is our miracle girl Tori (with her little brother peeking behind her). Look at her cute little face and just think... we were advised to consider aborting her on 3 different occasions. How heartbreaking to think that so many people are being given advice that is 100% wrong and therefore making decisions that rob them of a precious life that God had planned for them. We are so thankful that we put our trust in God during our trials and didn't listen to the counselor's destructive advice. We have our precious little girl because we stood up to them.

This is the first year I've done Walk For Life which is a fundraiser for the Pregnancy Resource Center of Santa Cruz but it certainly won't be the last. We've been supporting the PRC for several years now because we feel their mission is a very important. http://www.santacruzprc.org/

Here's the story of why we got involved- When I was 18 weeks pregnant I took a blood test (AFP) that indicated a possibility of us having a Down Syndrome baby. We were encouraged to have a level 2 ultrasound appointment through Stanford's Genetic Counseling Clinic. (All covered by the state of California.) When I was making the ultrasound appointment I was very clear that we would not consider terminating the pregnancy but that we would like to do the ultrasound to find out more about our baby's development. During the ultrasound they discovered that there was an additional problem. Our baby's left kidney was deformed (they probably said fetus come to think of it though.)

After the ultrasound we meet with a doctor (not a kidney specialist) and the same counselor that I was very clear with regarding our view of abortion. They told us that because there were now 2 potential problems that we should again consider the option of abortion. Note- neither of these problems were known to be life threatening but they did not mention that. We were again very clear that abortion was not an option for us. We continued to have appointments at Stanford (paid for by the state of California) throughout the entire pregnancy to follow her kidney development. During another appointment we were again encouraged to reconsider abortion.

Finally we meet with the pediatric urology surgeon who clarified what was happening with her kidney and relieved our worries. He explained that what she had was not life threatening and could be fixed after birth with a couple of surgeries. And as I hope you'll all agree- a Down Syndrome child is NO reason to ever consider ending a life. In fact our dear friends had this same test (AFP) and were given a negative result for Down's when in fact their precious little girl does have Down Syndrome. So the test was wrong in detecting Down's when it actually existed and wrong in predicting it when it did not.

After 2 surgeries Tori has kidneys with almost full functioning capacity and should not have any additional problems. Praise the Lord!

On another note- as she was developing and even recently I did struggle with the following verse:

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14

I have to be honest, I was asking the following question, "God, did you knit her together wrong?" I remember bringing this up at one of my bible study groups and crying. I of course know God does all things well but what happened with her? This question didn't cause me to doubt God but it made me wonder how God would work all things for his glory in this situation. I just recently was made aware while I was getting ready for Walk For Life of part of God's plan. God told me, "I didn't make her wrong! I made her this way for several reasons. One being that your experience you got involved with the PRC. Another reason was it got your hearts ready for adoption. You now understand a real need exists for children and parents in desperate situations to have access to a loving home." I'm sure there will be additional reasons as well. See, God does work all things out for good.

Romans 8: 28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Through being involved with the PRC I've been asked to be a mentor mom for one of the teens. When I got together with her the first time I was overwhelmed by her situation. She is such a strong girl to not have given into the pressure to abort. All the women (on her side of the family and her boyfriends) have had multiple abortions. But she refused- even when they were trying to convince her it would be best. Through the support of PRC she made the decision to not only have her little girl but she also decided to follow Christ. I am so proud of her! It's not easy for her and I feel it's so important to continue supporting and encouraging her. The PRC counselors have been doing a wonderful job of that.

If you'd still like to support Walk For Life you can go to this link and sponsor me or click on link up top to make a donation directly to the PRC.http://www.walkforlifesantacruz.com/life/sponsor.php

Gardening with God- Intro

Here's a picture of my daughter and I in my garden last summer. As you can see it is a modest little garden. I don't claim to be an excellent gardener... I'm not even sure if I'm a very good one but I thoroughly enjoy watching things grow.

This series Gardening With God- is from a talk I gave this past weekend at GateWay Bible Church for a women's brunch. You are invited to follow along as I blog about what God taught me this summer while I was working in my garden.

How did God teach me? Good question! First, He got my attention-

It was towards the end of May (my garden had been recently planted) and Jeff was at an Elder's meeting. (That means- I was doing the bedtime routine on my own. You may know how that goes with two small kids... a bit hectic.) During that time I kept feeling an urgency to get out in my garden and pray. It wasn't unusual for me to pray in my garden... but the urgency was. So I rushed through their bedtime routine and was able to get out into my garden by early evening. I climbed up to the top step and spent time talking to God. When I was done I just sat in silence. After a few moments I felt God prompt me to, "Look around." So I did. As I looked around my garden He started pointing out different plants and how they grow and how they are tended and who is responsible for them. It was an amazing time of learning directly from God. I went to bed that night excited about what God had been teaching me.

At about 4am I was wide-awake... unfortunately with two small kids, that's not unusual. While I was awake I started thinking again about what God had taught me in my garden that evening. I spent about an hour talking to Him and thanking Him for the wonderful lessons. During that time I started realizing that His teachings were not just for my benefit. So then I asked, "how do you want me to share this with others?" I didn't get an answer that night but it came shortly after.

A few nights later I excitedly shared with my Life Group some of the things I had been learning. That particular evening the Life Group Coordinators (John & Carol) we're visiting our group and they heard me share. The next day she called me and told me that she felt that the Lord was leading her to ask me to be the brunch speaker. They had already picked the theme An Abundant Harvest and what I had shared seemed to be perfect for the brunch.

So, I told her I'd pray about it. It sure felt like God had given me an answer already and when I did pray about it He told me that yes, I should commit to speaking and that throughout the summer He promised to reveal more for me to share.

I had a wonderful summer working in my garden and intentally listening for the lessons that God wanted to teach me. I Hope you enjoy hearing more about these lessons over the next few weeks.

Next post: Gardening With God- The Master Gardener

Brunch

Today I was the guest speaker for a women's brunch at GateWay Bible Church. It was a really fun event. The ladies that put it together did a wonderful job. The special song was beautiful and tied in perfectly with what I was sharing. I've heard that others think I did a pretty good job communicating. Thankfully I wasn't nervous. I felt God's peace throughout the entire talk and I was confident that God would give me the words that He wanted me to share for the specific women that were in the audience. I think there were about 130. I know a lot of people were praying and I really appreciate it. I had at least 10 ladies come up to me and share what they felt God was teaching them through me so I know God got His message across. I'm truly humbled that He would use me.

Here are the words to the special song:

I Come To The Garden Alone Hymn


I come to the garden alone
While the dew is still on the roses
And the voice I hear falling on my ear
The Son of God discloses.

Refrain

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.
He speaks, and the sound of His voice,
Is so sweet the birds hush their singing,
And the melody that He gave to me
Within my heart is ringing.

Refrain

I’d stay in the garden with Him
Though the night around me be falling,
But He bids me go; through the voice of woe
His voice to me is calling.

Refrain

I'm planning to post more on what I spoke about and kind of expand a bit more but for now... I'm tired! It's time for bed and vacation tomorrow. Jeff and I are going to have 3 nights all to ourselves for our 10 year anniversary. I'll post more towards the end of the week.

Resonating With God

Welcome to my new website! I decided to create a site that is dedicated to lessons God is teaching me as I go about my life. My other site has tons of family updates and I wanted to be able to share with others without them needing to sift through my family photos first. So, I copied some of the stories I wanted to share from my family blog and re-posted them here. I'm planning to post on my talk "Gardening With God" over the next few weeks.

Why Resonating with God? The word resonate has been on my mind this year. Here's the definition-
res·o·nate (rěz'ə-nāt') Pronunciation Key v. res·o·nat·ed, res·o·nat·ing, res·o·nates
1. To exhibit or produce resonance or resonant effects.
2. To evoke a feeling of shared emotion or belief
3. To correspond closely or harmoniously: "Symbolism matters, especially if the symbols resonate with the larger message" (William Greider).
v. tr. To cause to resound. [Latin resonāre, resonāt-; see resound.] res'o·na'tion n.

I was reading the Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell (highly recommend) and I have to share this with you because it's one of those times when God confirms something and it just makes me laugh at how connected and obvious it is.

pgs. 76, 88, & 92
He's talking about a couple whose wedding he is going to perform out in a beautiful place in nature who didn't want any "Jesus or God or Bible or religion to be talked about. But they did want to make it really spiritual." (Sounds like a lot of people in Santa Cruz if you ask me.) When he asked them why they wanted to get married in this beautiful place the groom said, "something holds this all together". Rob Bell was able to then be a "Tour Guide" and point out to them "the creative, life-giving God who is already present in their midst." Through that they were able to see God. He then went on to say, "When they resonate with the peace and harmony of unspoiled nature, I believe God made it unspoiled by speaking it into existence. And Jesus is the life force that makes it possible. So in the deepest sense we can comprehend, my friends are resonating with Jesus, whether they acknowledge it or not."

People all around us are already RESONATING with God whether they acknowledge it or not... I think God is asking us to be "Tour Guides". pg 87 "It is as if Paul is a spiritual tour guide and is taking his readers through their world, pointing out the true and the good wherever he sees it."

Maybe part of our mission right now is "See God where others don't, and can point Him out." pg 88 "So the issue isn't so much taking Jesus to people who don't have him, but going to a place and pointing out to the people there the creative, life-giving God who is already present in their midst. It is searching for the things they have already affirmed as real and beautiful and true and then telling them who you believe is the source of all that."

I experienced this when I was getting a massage a few months ago... we were talking about astrological signs. It was an interesting and wonderful experience because I didn't try to talk her out of what she believed but I did ask her who she thought the creator of the stars and the signs was and we were able to have an amazing conversation about God. I wasn't able to process all of that until just now. God is continually amazing me!

The Terrible Twos

Although he's only 21 months... he's acting like a terrible 2! Oh MY! If I don't lose my mind... I'll consider myself lucky. If this is just the beginning........................!

Here are the stats:
awake a little before 7am
2 bowls of food thrown on the floor... none eaten
1 paci thrown at my head
1000 toys thrown around the living room and bedroom
4 screaming fits
4 time-outs
10:30am nap time... although it's usually at 1pm

Update 2pm: The dog, garbage truck, and Tori all took turns waking Siah from his nap and just when I thought I'd lose my mind... I sat down to pray and remembered a parenting book I'd had on my shelf waiting for a day like today. I read the first two chapters of Power of a Praying Parent. I know God will get me through! Here's the first few sentences... couldn't meet me more where I'm at-

"It's the best of jobs. It's the most difficult of jobs. It can bring you the greatest joy. It can cause the greatest pain. There is nothing as fulfilling and exhilarating. there's nothing so depleting and exhausting. No area of your life can make you feel more like a success when everything is going well. No area of you life can make you feel more like a failure when things go wrong. PARENTING!"

I did start my day with prayer and try to do so each morning. I've been encouraged by a dear friend to pray on the full armor of God before even getting out of bed each morning and I've also added praying the fruit of the spirit. Unfortunately almost immediately this morning I wasn't displaying much fruit (or maybe Siah plucked it all off and started throwing it at me!) Yes, I think that's what happened. Can't you just picture it? You want PEACE? I'll give you some peace! Here comes the wind up, the pitch, home run! Mommy's peace has left the ballpark. Followed closely by patience, joy, and kindness. Thankfully the fruit of love is attached so tightly that he can't pull it off no matter what he does. Ah, I can go on such tangents at times... anyways, back to what I was talking about originally.I started to pray again and while it's still a challenging day, I feel more hopeful and encouraged. Currently my little munchkins are playing peacefully in the sandbox. Peace is knocking tentatively at my door again... welcome home peace, welcome home!

Interesting Conversations

Ever since I posted "Goodbye To My Friend" a few days ago... I've been engaging is some really interesting conversations about life and death issues. So many people I know are dealing with difficult situations right now. I'm posting this e-mail because it is my ONLY answer for hope and peace in difficult situations.This particular e-mail was regarding how to explain death to a child-

My reply:To be honest with you- if I didn't believe in Christ and eternal life in Heaven... I don't know how I would be comforted or able to explain death to anyone, let alone my child. You mentioned not being "as religious" so I don't know if that means you believe in God or not. I prefer to think of myself as having a relationship with God. It's not about religion for me... I can explain that more if you like.Regarding your question though- these are several of the bible verses that I included in a book I made for Tori. I created it specifically to share Jesus and Heaven in a creative way with her.

John 14:2-3"In my Father's house there are many rooms... I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."- Jesus

John 14:6"I am the way, the truth and the life, no one can come to the Father except through me."- Jesus

John 3:16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Since I often talk to Tori about Jesus and Heaven and I am assured that I will spend eternity in Heaven when I die... I'm not afraid to tell Tori that. I've explained that I will always be her Mommy and that I'm not planning to go anywhere right now but if I ever did, it would be Heaven and I would see her again. She talks about Heaven and says she doesn't want to go right now but knows she will like it. It's become a normal part of conversation instead of something sad to talk about. That of course does not minimize the sadness that anyone would feel at losing someone they love but it does offer hope and peace. Without believing in Christ... it would seem hopeless to me.

Here's the link to the book I made for her if you'd like to check it out. http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cmphotocenter.com%2Fsbpreview%2FStorybookPreview.aspx%3FStorybookID%3D281717%26CustomerID%3D243080&h=d062b9a04b58229be1f576de6f3b2136

Goodbye to my friend

I said goodbye to a dear friend today. It was HARD! How do I explain who Carol was... she was such an incredible lady. She loved the Lord and loved others. She will be greatly missed. If you've read my blog before... you know that I like to write when things are hard and I usually find the humor in the situation. While you won't find humor in this post, you will hopefully be blessed by how the Lord has comforted me.

I often ask God my hard questions and lately I've gotten so much better at listening for His answers. But sometimes He says, "you're asking the wrong question." What's a "wrong question"?

Here's the practical example that God used to get my attention... a few months ago Tori asked me a question that I couldn't answer. It wasn't because I didn't have an answer or that I was too busy to answer her question. It wasn't because I didn't want her to have understanding or that I didn't care about her question...it was because she asked an unanswerable question. She didn't know enough about the subject to ask the correct questions to gain insight. First I had to correct her understanding of the subject. God got my attention with that simple conversation and made me aware that often I'll try to ask questions to gain understanding but I don't know enough about the subject to ask the right question. First, I have to be willing to let go of my questions until God reveals more about the subject so that I can ask the answerable questions.

I'm realizing that there are a lot of subjects that my finite mind is not able to grasp. On some subjects, I probably won't be able to ask the right questions until I meet Him face to face.

Dealing with the loss of Carol I experienced asking the "wrong question" again. I was crying out and asking God why He tore Carol away from her family. She was so young at only 50. She had experienced hard times as a single mom but was really happy at this stage of her life. She had great adult kids and was married to the love of her life, Carl. When cancer claimed her life they had only been married 7 years... such a short time. Everyone that knew them knew how deeply in love they were and how grateful they were for having found each other. I just couldn't understand why God didn't give them more time together.

When I stopped asking God my questions and listened for an answer... this is what I heard. "You're not understanding what happened. This was the path I knew she was going to walk. I knew she was going to develop cancer and in my great mercy I didn't want her to go through this journey alone. I brought Carl into her life because I knew he would love and take care of my precious Carol. I didn't tear them apart... I brought them together and gave them the gift of 7 years. I gave the kids a loving step-dad and an enlarged family. I knew what the final outcome was going to be. I also knew that given the knowledge in advance that they would only have a short time together that they still would have chosen each other and lived their lives as fully as they did. They didn't waste a single day."

Everyday is a gift! I want to live like that. Her son Kyle said something during the memorial that I will never forget. It went something like this- "you all felt loved by my Mom... but she loved me so much, you should be jealous of how much she loved me!" I want my kids to feel that way. I want them to feel so much love that they never doubt that they are loved. I want my husband to know that he is the love of my life and that no matter what happens in our life that I will stick by him and support him.

Thank you Carol for your example of a loving mother and wife. I am a better person for having known you.Thank you God for answering my "wrong question". I can now move on to my next questions, "How do I live a life that was as impactful as hers? How do I love others so self-lessly? How do I honor God in life and in death as she did? The answer- live out the fruit of the Spirit- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Gal. 5:22-23) and "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:30-31)

While I still don't understand sickness, disease, and death I do know that it is not what God intended and that one day we will live free of the curse. Carol is living FREE now. I can almost guarantee that if there is a welcoming committee in Heaven... Carol is there and she is making everyone feel loved and happy to be around her... and she is laughing and smiling. I hope my other loved ones in Heaven get to know her... she is an amazing lady.

Goodbye my friend-