Goodbye to my friend

I said goodbye to a dear friend today. It was HARD! How do I explain who Carol was... she was such an incredible lady. She loved the Lord and loved others. She will be greatly missed. If you've read my blog before... you know that I like to write when things are hard and I usually find the humor in the situation. While you won't find humor in this post, you will hopefully be blessed by how the Lord has comforted me.

I often ask God my hard questions and lately I've gotten so much better at listening for His answers. But sometimes He says, "you're asking the wrong question." What's a "wrong question"?

Here's the practical example that God used to get my attention... a few months ago Tori asked me a question that I couldn't answer. It wasn't because I didn't have an answer or that I was too busy to answer her question. It wasn't because I didn't want her to have understanding or that I didn't care about her question...it was because she asked an unanswerable question. She didn't know enough about the subject to ask the correct questions to gain insight. First I had to correct her understanding of the subject. God got my attention with that simple conversation and made me aware that often I'll try to ask questions to gain understanding but I don't know enough about the subject to ask the right question. First, I have to be willing to let go of my questions until God reveals more about the subject so that I can ask the answerable questions.

I'm realizing that there are a lot of subjects that my finite mind is not able to grasp. On some subjects, I probably won't be able to ask the right questions until I meet Him face to face.

Dealing with the loss of Carol I experienced asking the "wrong question" again. I was crying out and asking God why He tore Carol away from her family. She was so young at only 50. She had experienced hard times as a single mom but was really happy at this stage of her life. She had great adult kids and was married to the love of her life, Carl. When cancer claimed her life they had only been married 7 years... such a short time. Everyone that knew them knew how deeply in love they were and how grateful they were for having found each other. I just couldn't understand why God didn't give them more time together.

When I stopped asking God my questions and listened for an answer... this is what I heard. "You're not understanding what happened. This was the path I knew she was going to walk. I knew she was going to develop cancer and in my great mercy I didn't want her to go through this journey alone. I brought Carl into her life because I knew he would love and take care of my precious Carol. I didn't tear them apart... I brought them together and gave them the gift of 7 years. I gave the kids a loving step-dad and an enlarged family. I knew what the final outcome was going to be. I also knew that given the knowledge in advance that they would only have a short time together that they still would have chosen each other and lived their lives as fully as they did. They didn't waste a single day."

Everyday is a gift! I want to live like that. Her son Kyle said something during the memorial that I will never forget. It went something like this- "you all felt loved by my Mom... but she loved me so much, you should be jealous of how much she loved me!" I want my kids to feel that way. I want them to feel so much love that they never doubt that they are loved. I want my husband to know that he is the love of my life and that no matter what happens in our life that I will stick by him and support him.

Thank you Carol for your example of a loving mother and wife. I am a better person for having known you.Thank you God for answering my "wrong question". I can now move on to my next questions, "How do I live a life that was as impactful as hers? How do I love others so self-lessly? How do I honor God in life and in death as she did? The answer- live out the fruit of the Spirit- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Gal. 5:22-23) and "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:30-31)

While I still don't understand sickness, disease, and death I do know that it is not what God intended and that one day we will live free of the curse. Carol is living FREE now. I can almost guarantee that if there is a welcoming committee in Heaven... Carol is there and she is making everyone feel loved and happy to be around her... and she is laughing and smiling. I hope my other loved ones in Heaven get to know her... she is an amazing lady.

Goodbye my friend-