Interesting Conversations

Ever since I posted "Goodbye To My Friend" a few days ago... I've been engaging is some really interesting conversations about life and death issues. So many people I know are dealing with difficult situations right now. I'm posting this e-mail because it is my ONLY answer for hope and peace in difficult situations.This particular e-mail was regarding how to explain death to a child-

My reply:To be honest with you- if I didn't believe in Christ and eternal life in Heaven... I don't know how I would be comforted or able to explain death to anyone, let alone my child. You mentioned not being "as religious" so I don't know if that means you believe in God or not. I prefer to think of myself as having a relationship with God. It's not about religion for me... I can explain that more if you like.Regarding your question though- these are several of the bible verses that I included in a book I made for Tori. I created it specifically to share Jesus and Heaven in a creative way with her.

John 14:2-3"In my Father's house there are many rooms... I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."- Jesus

John 14:6"I am the way, the truth and the life, no one can come to the Father except through me."- Jesus

John 3:16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Since I often talk to Tori about Jesus and Heaven and I am assured that I will spend eternity in Heaven when I die... I'm not afraid to tell Tori that. I've explained that I will always be her Mommy and that I'm not planning to go anywhere right now but if I ever did, it would be Heaven and I would see her again. She talks about Heaven and says she doesn't want to go right now but knows she will like it. It's become a normal part of conversation instead of something sad to talk about. That of course does not minimize the sadness that anyone would feel at losing someone they love but it does offer hope and peace. Without believing in Christ... it would seem hopeless to me.

Here's the link to the book I made for her if you'd like to check it out. http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cmphotocenter.com%2Fsbpreview%2FStorybookPreview.aspx%3FStorybookID%3D281717%26CustomerID%3D243080&h=d062b9a04b58229be1f576de6f3b2136

Goodbye to my friend

I said goodbye to a dear friend today. It was HARD! How do I explain who Carol was... she was such an incredible lady. She loved the Lord and loved others. She will be greatly missed. If you've read my blog before... you know that I like to write when things are hard and I usually find the humor in the situation. While you won't find humor in this post, you will hopefully be blessed by how the Lord has comforted me.

I often ask God my hard questions and lately I've gotten so much better at listening for His answers. But sometimes He says, "you're asking the wrong question." What's a "wrong question"?

Here's the practical example that God used to get my attention... a few months ago Tori asked me a question that I couldn't answer. It wasn't because I didn't have an answer or that I was too busy to answer her question. It wasn't because I didn't want her to have understanding or that I didn't care about her question...it was because she asked an unanswerable question. She didn't know enough about the subject to ask the correct questions to gain insight. First I had to correct her understanding of the subject. God got my attention with that simple conversation and made me aware that often I'll try to ask questions to gain understanding but I don't know enough about the subject to ask the right question. First, I have to be willing to let go of my questions until God reveals more about the subject so that I can ask the answerable questions.

I'm realizing that there are a lot of subjects that my finite mind is not able to grasp. On some subjects, I probably won't be able to ask the right questions until I meet Him face to face.

Dealing with the loss of Carol I experienced asking the "wrong question" again. I was crying out and asking God why He tore Carol away from her family. She was so young at only 50. She had experienced hard times as a single mom but was really happy at this stage of her life. She had great adult kids and was married to the love of her life, Carl. When cancer claimed her life they had only been married 7 years... such a short time. Everyone that knew them knew how deeply in love they were and how grateful they were for having found each other. I just couldn't understand why God didn't give them more time together.

When I stopped asking God my questions and listened for an answer... this is what I heard. "You're not understanding what happened. This was the path I knew she was going to walk. I knew she was going to develop cancer and in my great mercy I didn't want her to go through this journey alone. I brought Carl into her life because I knew he would love and take care of my precious Carol. I didn't tear them apart... I brought them together and gave them the gift of 7 years. I gave the kids a loving step-dad and an enlarged family. I knew what the final outcome was going to be. I also knew that given the knowledge in advance that they would only have a short time together that they still would have chosen each other and lived their lives as fully as they did. They didn't waste a single day."

Everyday is a gift! I want to live like that. Her son Kyle said something during the memorial that I will never forget. It went something like this- "you all felt loved by my Mom... but she loved me so much, you should be jealous of how much she loved me!" I want my kids to feel that way. I want them to feel so much love that they never doubt that they are loved. I want my husband to know that he is the love of my life and that no matter what happens in our life that I will stick by him and support him.

Thank you Carol for your example of a loving mother and wife. I am a better person for having known you.Thank you God for answering my "wrong question". I can now move on to my next questions, "How do I live a life that was as impactful as hers? How do I love others so self-lessly? How do I honor God in life and in death as she did? The answer- live out the fruit of the Spirit- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Gal. 5:22-23) and "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:30-31)

While I still don't understand sickness, disease, and death I do know that it is not what God intended and that one day we will live free of the curse. Carol is living FREE now. I can almost guarantee that if there is a welcoming committee in Heaven... Carol is there and she is making everyone feel loved and happy to be around her... and she is laughing and smiling. I hope my other loved ones in Heaven get to know her... she is an amazing lady.

Goodbye my friend-

Adoption Update

Our family as it is right now... However, I created this photo sheet to add to our adoption file. As it is... we have 95% of our paperwork completed (they just added a few more forms) and we are waiting for our Home Study which will probably happen in July. After that, it's a wait and see. I'm so curious about the timing. What is God planning? I know it's always perfect. Where is the little one that will be joining our family? Please continue to pray for us and our unknown child.


Oh, shameless plug... I created this using Storybook Creator software from Creative Memories. You can make one too. :) Just go to my website for more info www.mycmsite.com/bethanycoffer or contact me directly.

First Veggies

These are the radishes that Tori grew. Aren't they cute! She had fun planting pink, white and purple ones. It's great to watch them grow and harvesting them makes her very happy... me too. It's fun to watch something grow. God's been teaching me a lot of lessons about gardening and how it applies to our lives. I should blog about that soon...

Spring Plantings

I love that Tori enjoys doing crafts just as much as I do. Here's yesterdays...

Aren't they eggdorable?

What's on the reading list

The other day I realized how much my temporary bookshelf reflects what is going on in my life. It's temporary because I know if I add these books to any of my bookcases they will be forgotten. In fact I just realized that a few of my parenting books have been miss shelved and they haven't gotten much attention lately. If you can tell from this collection... I LOVE to read. Thanks Mom & Dad for paying me a dime a chapter to read when I was little. It's a priceless gift. If you're looking for a great deal on books check out http://www.half.com/ . I found that sight recently and my bookshelf has grown a lot recently. I've got a back up of books and not enough time to read them.

In this photo you'll see that building our addition is on our list. So is our adoption, church stuff, my book club. Book in different locations include my gardening books which are currently outside being used. We expanded and planted our garden this past weekend. The South Beach diet is in the kitchen... yes, I'm going to start that diet but not until after Easter. My parenting books have been moved back to the temporary shelf. My many magazines are in my favorite reading spots. I love Sunset, Family Fun, Lasting Moments (CM) , and Better Homes and Garden. My bible and study on the life of Daniel are in my book bag ready to take out to the sunshine to study and pray.

You know what is missing??? Travel books! Those are all in the permanent book shelves... but we do have a lot of them and we do plan to do something this summer to celebrate our 10 year anniversary.

Talking about all of these books and magazines makes me want to get outside and read... bye bye.

Adoption- Here's what we're doing

So, over the past few months I've mentioned our plans to adopt in our Christmas letter, our blog, and on Facebook... and it's making people curious. I would love to answer every ones e-mails individually but I thought I'd blog about it so that if (I mean- when) I get side-tracked and forget, you'll know I'm not intentionally ignoring you.Here's the deal- Jeff and I were having a discussion about how many kids we want and we couldn't come to an agreement. I said at least 3 and he said, "we don't have the infrastructure to support more." I'm not kidding- he's such an engineer. Me, being a great debater, pointed out the fact that- "infrastructures are built". Ha, got him on that one! So the conversation continued.One day in church we were watching a video and there was an African child living in extreme poverty. It was heartbreaking! (We witnessed this kind of poverty when we lived in the Dominican Republic for several months and it's something that we will NEVER forget... and don't want to. It changed the way we view everything.) OK, back to the day we watched the video- when we came home from church Jeff said to me, "I don't want to bring another child into this world when there are little ones Tori's age living on the streets in cardboard boxes." As we watched her playing in the front yard, He continued, "Where she will sleep and what she will eat today is the furthest thing from her mind." Ahh... I love this man.Well, we had always talked about wanting to adopt but I had thought it would be further down the road when our kids were older. So, I spent an afternoon talking with God asking Him if we should adopt. During that time I felt that I needed to give up my desires to physically have another child, fears of my ability to love this child as much as Tori & Siah, and fears of a difficult adoption process. My prayer time was amazing! There are times in my life where God speaks to me so clearly that it's almost audible... this was one of them. He told me, "it's not, IF you adopt? It's- WHEN!" Oh, that got me excited and truly my fears were calmed. (Another child without being prego and without having a 3rd C-section= total bonus!) I'm sure I'll have to surrender more fears as the process continues, but I'll cling to my absolute assurance that God has a plan for our lives and it involved someone that we haven't met yet but already love. Here are the details- we are going through a local Christian agency in Scotts Valley called Hand In Hand. They work with a lot of the state agencies. So far, we've almost completed our paperwork... it's long and it doesn't help that mine got erased (thankfully I had a hard copy and now only need to re-type it.) We also need to do all sorts of things like background checks, physicals, CPR, and trainings. We're hoping to complete everything in March and then do the home study. After that... we're not sure about the timing. We're not planning to specify a boy or girl but we do want a child younger than Josiah by at least 9 months.We also need to add on to our house (ah, infrastructure) and we'll probably be buying a minivan (more infrastructure).Check back here occasionally and I'll update everyone on what's going on. Oh, and please be praying for our family and the family that will be involved in bringing our little one into our lives. Feel free to contact us any time... I really do try to get back to e-mails it just takes me some time.